Reflections From The Edge

As production winds down and everyone starts contemplating their futures, I thought I’d spend some time reflecting on my filming season. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned this year:

• Dress warm. Newfoundland in the summer is still not summer.

• Mary Brown’s should only be consumed once a year, under strict supervision. Excessive intake of “Big Marys” can—and likely will—lead to physical and mental defects.

• East Coasters commonly regard West Coasters as “a bunch of tree huggers.” Not entirely unjustified.

• If you see a vegetable, eat it. You never know when you’ll see another one (taters don’t count).

• When cooked by a seasoned fisherman aboard a vessel in rolling seas, all food surpasses any Michelin star meal.

• In Newfoundland, you can go off-roading on roads. Rural areas have potholes large enough to warrant their own postal codes.

• St. John’s Walmart is a very special place indeed.

• A cinematographer’s quest for “nice light” can be futile in Newfoundland; chemosynthesis has become the dominant form of sustaining life here.

• Sleeping in a U-Haul van is not as adventurous as one hopes. You’re basically a Lunchable for mosquitos.

• Pay phones still exist in Newfoundland and perfectly represent the province’s position on the national timeline.

• Lobsters aren’t abundant as you may think, especially if you’re trying to film them. They are however widely stocked in grocery stores.

• Sunrise is always worth the effort.

• A three-star hotel in Newfoundland does not equal a three-star hotel in Los Angeles, New York, Paris, or war-torn Somalia.

• Newfoundland houses look like they were built for Peter Pan and Wendy.

• Puffins are the cutest animals on the planet. Designed by an eight-year-old, they waddle like their legs are new and have eyes Walt Disney would be proud of.

• Anywhere named Dover sucks.

• The Ford F-150 was not designed for narrow trails.

• Lobsters can propel themselves through the water using some kind of hidden jet engine - most unexpected for someone that has never seen one swim before.

• Eels taste good.

• Always use insect repellent, and sunscreen. It’s in your bag, so just use it. Doofus.

• Don’t use your own credit card for production expenses, especially when it negatively impacts your credit score.

• Always carry a toothbrush and deodorant in your carry-on. When taking more flights this year than the Estonian Air Force, cancellations were inevitable.

• Don’t leave luggage overnight in a New York deli.

• You can never eat too much NYC pizza.

• It’s always good to have “an eel guy.”

• Frozen yoghurt can be dinner.

• Nova Scotians will make it work. No matter how random the request they’ll band together to make improbable ideas real.

• Never walk away from a free tour guide—especially if she’s cute.

• Don’t hesitate to change your flights.

• Atlantic Canada’s coastal waters can be warm—reaching a tropical 20°C in summer.

• Atlantic Canada’s coastal waters can also be cold as fuck.

• Urchins are gnarly little bastards with mouths that inspire nightmarish sea monsters. They also make excellent lampshades.

• Don’t wear reading glasses on a string around your neck if you’re under 65.

• Mirrored sunglasses are not allowed in the 2000s.

• Costco zip-off pants are for work use only.

• The Scarecrow Festival is a thing.

• Halifax has a lot of chairs.

• Whatchamacallit is a chocolate bar.

• I am bad at Super Mario Brothers.

• Roast dinners should only be served inside Yorkshire puddings.

• Hotpot is not a hot pot.

• Mussels have impressive tongue skills.

• Forty-five-year-old men can do face masks.

• Making bread takes a lot of time.

• Make sure your barber understands your request.

• You don’t always need to buy a return plane ticket.

Have you learned some valuable lessons this summer? Let me know in the comments!